teozantyn 0 Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 Ever remembered the Water Snake as a friendly and kind-hearted snake? Didn't think so. You might be thinking,'Well, he was one tough boss to beat earlier on! Friendly? No!" The Water Snake had a beginning. He had a home, a family, friends, and most importantly, a name. He was called Pithus. Pithus always had someone to talk to, and he never felt alone. He did not feel anger, nor hate, and he loved his life. Elves, the keepers of the forest, could communicate with animals. They had known the snake to be one-of-a-kind, friendly, and even in one point, helpful, unlike the other snakes of the forest. How was the Water Snake helpful, you ask me? Well, let's say that Pithus had saved the lands of Melvendil once, but it was a long, long time ago. Sunlight had already begun to fade, the sky turning from a vibrant orange, to a dark purple. Pithus had to return home, which was situated right at the top of a cliff. He slithered up the cliff, but, instead of going into his burrow, he stared into the distance, into the seemingly alive sea, with its waves moving into and retreating from the shore. He wondered,"Am I going to live my entire life like this? How can I improve it?" Pithus' life was extremely boring. Every single day he could only hunt, or just sleep. He shot one last glance at the sea, before entering his home. Pithus stirred as he awoke from the nightmare. "Ugh! What a dream," he murmured as he got up. It was still very dark. Pithus felt that he needed some fresh air. Getting out of the burrow, Pithus breathed deeply to calm himself down. Being a snake, he could see the night as well as the day. So, he curled up on a rock nearby, and looked out into the sea. The scenery was breathtaking, hence this was Pithus' most favorite place. Pithus thought, 'What a view! I could sit here all night!' And that he did. Pithus sat there for a long time. Time flew, and day was about to begin. Birds started to wake up and sing, a chicken could be heard in the distance. It was the best time of the day. Pithus took in the crisp morning air. What could go wrong today? It took a while before he noticed a fleet of some twenty ships approaching from the horizon. This early? Pithus squinted and saw the flag the ships bore. His entire body became turgid, and his heart raced. Could it be true? The Mountain Clans! Pithus slithered down the hill, and reported his findings to Nuu-Waal, the guardian that lived close by. "What is it, friend?" Nuu-Waal questioned gently, as the frantic snake entered his home. "It's the Mountain Clans! They have come for war!" "If what you say is true, we have to tell the others," Nuu-Waal stood up. They went to the town, and informed the council about the situation. Something had to be done to prevent the upcoming battle. There was only one solution. The Mage had to conjure a spell to wreak havoc upon the ships. Judging from the distance between the shore and the ships, the ships would still take quite some time to reach Melvendil. The Mage had everything needed to make that spell except one ingredient, a soul. Someone had to sacrifice himself to prevent the impending bloodshed. "Take mine!" The voice of one small snake filled the room,"Take my soul!" The Mage finished conjuring the spell. The process was agonizing, but it had to be done. The Mage chanted a few words, a blue ball of vibrating energy flew into his palm from Pithus' body. The Mage then proceeded to the shoreline. The ships were approaching, but they had no idea what was coming for them. The waters suddenly became violent. Winds picked up speed. The ships rocked vigorously. In just a few seconds, the weather had turned from heaven to hell. One could see the terrified looks on all the faces of the people onboard. They did not stand a chance. For Melvendil, Pithus became an empty shell. A snake with no conscience. The elves will forever remain indebted to his actions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teozantyn 0 Posted July 16, 2013 Author Share Posted July 16, 2013 Please comment! I need to see in what to improve on! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elvroarge 0 Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 "But how did Pithus become what he is today?" you may have asked. hehehe, you are right, reading your story makes me wonder about that ;D anyway, good story. i really enjoy it :good: good luck buddy :friends: cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Megadethbr 3 Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 Pithus...nice name :good: good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teozantyn 0 Posted July 17, 2013 Author Share Posted July 17, 2013 2716 Characters! I guess I'm in! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pummywarlord 3 Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 nice story,but its still missing the climax. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teozantyn 0 Posted July 17, 2013 Author Share Posted July 17, 2013 Thanks guys, for feedback and praise. I'll try improving the story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teozantyn 0 Posted July 17, 2013 Author Share Posted July 17, 2013 HOHoHo, I've revamped the story. Now it makes more sense to how the Water Snake became hostile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bijan 0 Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 nice story,but its still missing the climax. you really want a story with climax?? :lol: :lol: :lol: I will give it a try :give_rose: :give_rose: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pummywarlord 3 Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 you really want a story with climax?? :lol: :lol: :lol: I will give it a try :give_rose: :give_rose: Yuuus! A story is nvr complete with out a conclusion. Waiting for urs ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teozantyn 0 Posted July 17, 2013 Author Share Posted July 17, 2013 Due to the revamp, character count has been increased to about 3000. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeadHunter 1 Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 Nice story friend, but keep in mind it should be less than 4000 characters. Make it short. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teozantyn 0 Posted July 18, 2013 Author Share Posted July 18, 2013 Nice story friend, but keep in mind it should be less than 4000 characters. Make it short. It is. It only looks long. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nehantist 7 Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 Pithus stirred as he awoke from the nightmare. "Ugh! What a dream," he murmured as he got up. It was still very dark. Pithus felt that he needed some fresh air. This part is interesting. I'm curious :fool: Nice story, sir :good: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nameisnoob 0 Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 O my God!Haha . This is amazing! Well I guess one of the amazing stories I've read in this competition. And to think I got angry with the water snake about killing me when I was on level 6... Awwwww! SOOOO G.U.I.L.T.Y !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teozantyn 0 Posted July 19, 2013 Author Share Posted July 19, 2013 O my God!Haha . This is amazing! Well I guess one of the amazing stories I've read in this competition. And to think I got angry with the water snake about killing me when I was on level 6... Awwwww! SOOOO G.U.I.L.T.Y !!! Thanks! Your story was amazing, probably even better than mine! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teozantyn 0 Posted July 20, 2013 Author Share Posted July 20, 2013 Rules 1. Story's size should be from 1000 characters up to 4000 characters 2. Genre in which stories should be written is limited to the specific game setting - it is assumed that it will be a fantasy in all its forms. 3. You should tell us a story from the view of any game character: monster, miniboss or even quest NPC. You should tell the story about the day of that character, about its life and adventures! 4. You should create thread in special forum section 5. Restrictions. To participate you should have at least 15 messages on forum. 1 user – 1 entry. For 1, I have exactly 4000 characters, including spaces, after cutting down a couple paragraphs. For 2, it is fantasy, as it includes Elves and snakes talking. For 3, I told a story about the day of the character. Since which day wasn't specified, I wrote about the past of this character. For 4, done. For 5, done. From my perspective, this is a legit entry to the competition, and hopefully no one rejects it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teozantyn 0 Posted July 26, 2013 Author Share Posted July 26, 2013 Bump Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teozantyn 0 Posted July 29, 2013 Author Share Posted July 29, 2013 Good luck to all for judging tomorrow! Thanks for reading and rating my story. It means a lot to me. To those that disliked this story, I take it as an opportunity to improve my story-making skills! So thanks for your feedback. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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